Over the past few weeks, I’ve been reflecting on the key ingredients that make relationships—whether between couples, friends, or work colleagues. My thoughts have led me to a simple framework, illustrated in the chart below, that captures what I believe to be the core elements of a successful relationship. Though the chart focuses on couples, the principles can be adapted to friendships and work relationships with a few adjustments.
When you meet a new couple and wonder, “Will they last?” ask yourself: “Does each person have a primary purpose of caring for and meeting the needs of the other?” If the answer is yes for both, I believe the relationship has a solid foundation. But if one or both individuals seem more focused on what they can gain from the relationship, there’s a good chance it won’t endure. This stems from a fundamental aspect of human nature: we often feel that we can never have or get enough, and relying on others to make us happy can lead to disappointment when they inevitably fall short. Lasting happiness comes not from getting but from knowing our purpose and striving to fulfill it.
Two people can each have meaningful purposes outside of their relationship, such as careers or raising children, but these purposes can shift over time. When they do, a relationship that once seemed solid may start to fray. However, when both partners are committed to unselfishly prioritizing each other’s happiness, they often find fulfillment and joy—not only from their purpose but also from receiving the genuine love and attention of another.
In the workplace, the same principles apply. The best employees are those who share the company’s mission and work hard to contribute to its success. The best managers, on the other hand, value their employees personally and invest in their growth and development—even if it means they may one day leave. When employees and managers share these values, the result is powerful. But when employees are motivated solely by a paycheck, and managers focus only on getting the job done, no matter the cost to their team, the outcome is usually uninspiring, albeit common.
So, what’s the takeaway? Don’t enter a relationship without the right motives and purpose. And don’t remain in one-sided relationships where both parties do not share a commitment to each other’s wellbeing. Successful relationships, whether personal or professional, are grounded in shared purpose and mutual care.
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